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Jocks vs. Nerds

The answer to the eternal question, "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?”

Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per game. With $40 million in endorsements, he made $178,100 a day, working or not.

If he sleeps seven hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he’s there. If he decides to have a five minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.

He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage. He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours. If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round. Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), he will hit the federal cap of $9,500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st. If you were given a penny for every $10 he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics. He’ll make about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.

This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined.

Amazing isn't it? However, if Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 250 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

Game over. Nerd wins.

I Wonder . . .

• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?
• Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
  
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  
• Why is it that when we bounce a check, the bank charges us more of what they already know we don't have any of?
  
• When someone asks you, ”A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
  
• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  
• Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
  
• When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
  
• If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Philip's Screwdriver?
  
• Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
  
• Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?
  
• Why is it that no word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple?
  
• Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it; but when I wind up a project, I end it?
  
• Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
  
• Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
  
• Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
  
• Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?
  
• Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
  
• If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
  
• Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
  
• "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do" is the longest sentence?
  
• If the singular of GEESE is GOOSE, shouldn't a Portuguese person be called a Portugoose?
  
• Why is a procrastinator's work never done?
  
• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?
  
• Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?
  
• If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
  
• If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

Kids Have The Answers

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

Alan, age 10: You’ve got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.

Kirsten, age 10: No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Camille, age 10: Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.

Freddie, age 6: No age is good to get married at. You’ve got to be a fool to get married.

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

Eddie, age 6: Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.

Derrick, age 8: You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Lynette, age 8: Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

Martin, age 10: On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

Craig, age 9: I'd run home and play dead. Then the next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

WHEN IS IT O.K. TO KISS SOMEONE?

Pam, age 7: When they're rich.

Curt, age 7: The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.

Howard, age 8: The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

Theodore, age 8: I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.

Anita, age 9: It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

Kristen, age 10: Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper changing.

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

Kelvin, age 8: There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

Roberta, age 7: You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same.

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE MARRIAGE WORK?

Lori, age 8: If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it.

Ricky, age 10: Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.

See you next month at The E-Files - The Truth Is Out There Somewhere.