Dear Abby Moments

Dear Abby,
My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? - Carol

Dear Carol,
Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.

Dear Abby,
Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? - Wondering

Dear Wondering,
The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.

Dear Abby,
I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions? - Annie

Dear Annie,
Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.

Dear Abby,
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions? - Sam

Dear Sam,
Yes. Run for public office.

Dear Abby,
What inspires you most to write? - Ted

Dear Ted,
The Bureau of Internal Revenue.

Dear Abby,
I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. - Rose

Dear Rose,
So would I.

Dear Abby,
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? - Bess

Dear Bess,
Night and day.


THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE KNOWN

(We can’t vouch for its accuracy – some of these are obviously made up, especially the Susan Lucci one)

- Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.
- The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickle the company once had.
- A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
- Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
- The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
- The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
- A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.
- Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
- A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
- A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
- A 2x4 is 1 1/2 x 3 1/2.
- 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
- Every person has a unique tongue print.
- The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was an albino.
- 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled
- During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be seen in the distance.
- On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
- John Wilkes Booth's brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln's son.
- Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
- Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate effects a dogs heart and nervous system, a few ounces enough to kill a small sized dog.
- Daniel Boone detested coonskin caps.
- Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.
- Most lipstick contains fish scales.
- Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
- Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
- Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
- Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
- During the California Gold Rush of 1849 miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the extremely high costs in California during these boom years it was deemed more feasible to send the shirts to Hawaii for servicing.
- American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.
- Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
- The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 1,979,564,000.
- Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower', because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
- There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
- The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill and in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.
- The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded Wendy before.
- The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
- There are four cars and eleven lightposts on the back of a $10 dollar bill.
- Leonardo DA Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
- If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
- Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to SLOW a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
- If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar. Can you think of a different coin combination that actually adds up to the exact same amount where this is also true?
- The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's 'Born in the USA'
- The mask used by Michael Myers in the original Halloween was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
- The original name for the butterfly was 'Flutterby'.
- The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
- The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
- Roses MAY be red, but violets ARE, indeed violet.
- By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
- Casey Kasem is the voice of Shaggy on Scooby-Doo.
- Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
- Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest.
-In Gulliver's Travels, Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than 10 years before either moon was discovered.
- Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
- Sherlock Holmes NEVER said Elementary, my dear Watson.
- An old law in Bellingham, Wash, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.
-Sharon Stone was the first Star Search spokesmodel.
-The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
- Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
-Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
- Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!

Did you hear about the blonde who . . .

(This was submitted by a blonde, so don’t blame us!)

1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight
2. Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the medicine bottles won't fit into the typewriter.
4. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said, "2 to 4 Years."
5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
6. Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.
7. When asked what is the capital of California, answered, "C."
8. Burned her nose bobbing for French fries.
9. Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said, "1 Hour Per Pound," and she weighed 125.
10. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
11. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.
12. Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree.
13. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label says, "Good up to 20 pounds."
14. After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
15. What goes "Vroom-screech! Vroom-screech!" A blonde at a flashing red light.
16. Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger when one says, "Hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down!"

Elementary, My Dear Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.

"Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."