Good Living 09 - Medina, Ohio

Andy Rooney's Life Lessons

I've learned.... that when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned.... that just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

I've learned.... that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... that being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned.... that you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... that I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned.... that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned.... that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned.... that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned.... that money doesn't buy class.

I've learned.... that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned.... that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... that the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

I've learned.... that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned.... that when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... that love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned.... that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned.... that there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I've learned.... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned.... that life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned.... that opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned.... that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned.... that I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned.... that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned.... that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned.... that I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

I've learned.... that when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned.... that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned.... that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.

I've learned.... that the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

The Price of a Child

The government recently calculated the cost of raising child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock. That doesn't even touch college tuition. For those with kids, that figure leads to wild fantasies about all the things we could have bought, all the places we could have traveled, all the money we could have banked if not for (insert child's name here). For others, that number might confirm the decision to remain childless.

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.44 a day. Just over a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have children if you want to be rich. It's just the opposite.

There's no way to put a price tag on:

- Feeling a new life move for the first time and seeing the bump of a knee rippling across your skin.
- Having someone cry, "It's a boy!" or shout, "It's a girl!" then hearing the baby wail and knowing all that matters is it's healthy.
- Counting all 10 fingers and toes for the first time.
- Feeling the warmth of fat cheeks against your breast.
- Cupping an entire head in the palm of your hand.
- Making out da da or ma ma from all the cooing and gurgling.

What do you get for your $160,140?

- Naming rights. First, middle and last.
- Glimpses of God every day.
- Giggles under the covers every night.
- More love than your heart can hold.
- Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
- Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds and warm cookies.
- A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
- A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
- Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, You never have to grow up. You get to fingerprint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs and never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to keep reading the adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies and wishing on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

For $160,140, there's no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a sliver, filling the wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first bra, first date, first time behind the wheel. You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.

You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications and human sexuality no college can match. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God. You have the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.
-Author Unknown

I'm Just a Mother? Excuse Me???

A few months ago, when I was picking up the children at school, another mother I knew well rushed up to me.

Emily was fuming with indignation. "Do you know what you and I are?" she demanded. Before I could answer and I didn't really have one handy she blurted out the reason for her question. It seemed she had just returned from renewing her driver's license at The County Clerk's office. Asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation, Emily had hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "Do you have a job, or are you just a.....?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother."

"We don't list 'mother' as an occupation...'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically. I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding title like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar. "And what is your occupation?" she probed. What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pompous pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?" Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters (the whole darned family) and already have four credits (all daughters). "Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13,7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model (6 months) in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another mother."

Motherhood...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the door. Send this to another Mother you know. Whether a stay at home Mom or a career Mom, we should all carry this title.

This is the best one I've read yet about being a Mother!!

Hope I can remember next time I have to fill out a form that I'm a "Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

One-liners from God

        1. Give God what's right - not what's left.

        2. "Pray" is a four-letter word you can say anywhere - except in public schools.

        3. Man's way leads to a hopeless end - God's way leads to an endless hope.

        4. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.

        5. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

        6. To be almost saved is to be totally lost.

        7. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period.

        8. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.

        9. God grades on the cross, not the curve.

        10. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a facelift.

        11. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.

        12. God doesn't want shares of your life - He wants a controlling interest.

        13. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.

        14. We don't change God's message - His message changes us.

        15. The church is prayer-conditioned.

        16. When God ordains, He sustains.

        17. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.

        18. Plan ahead - It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

        19. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.

        20. Suffering with truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.

        21. Exercise daily - walk with the Lord.

        22. Coincidences happen when God chooses to remain anonymous.

        23. Wisdom has two parts - 1) having a lot to say 2) not saying it.

        24. Never give the devil a ride - he will always want to drive.

        25. A clean conscience makes a soft pillow.

        26. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.

        27. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.

        28. He who angers you controls you.

        29. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.

        30. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.

        31. Forbidden fruits create many jams.

        32. Be ye fishers of men - you catch them & He'll clean them.

        33. Deciding not to choose Jesus is still making a choice.

        34. God doesn't call the qualified; He qualifies the called.

        35. Read the Bible - It will scare the hell out of you.

        36. If God is your copilot - swap seats.