The Secret to a Truly Contented Marriage
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their
domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local
newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long
and happy marriage.
Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," Explained the man.
We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down the to bottom
of the canyon by pack mule.
We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My
wife quietly said, "That's once." We proceeded a little
farther when the mule stumbled again. My wife quietly said,
"That's twice." We hadn't gone a half mile more when
the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver
from her pocket and shot him.
Well, I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when
she looked at me and quietly said, "That's once."
Becoming More Mature
I'm reading more and dusting less.
I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing
about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my
family and friends and less time working. Whenever possible,
life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure.
I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good China and
crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting
the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom. I wear my
good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous,
I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries.
I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing
it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.
"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing
their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing
or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I'm not
sure what others would've done had they known that they wouldn't
be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think
they would have called family members and a few close friends.
They might have called a few former friends to apologize and
mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have
gone out for a Chinese dinner, or for whatever their favorite
food was. I'm guessing; I'll never know.
It's those little things left undone that would make me angry
if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written
certain letters that I intended to write one of these days.
Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often
enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not
to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter
and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes,
tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every
breath truly is a gift from God.
Why We
Love Children
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
later:
Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink
of water?"
****
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into
mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get
into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run
in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St.
Peter says 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"
*****
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the
light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy,
will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't,
dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
Little voice: "The big sissy."
*****
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for
the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then
the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All
was quiet until the little girl started to sing in a loud voice,
"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..."
*****
It was that time during the Sunday morning service for "the
children's sermon," and all the children were invited to
come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty
dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said
to her, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter
dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
********
Finding one of her students making faces at others on
the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby,
when I was a child I was told that if I made ugly faces,
it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't
say you weren't warned."
The
B-I-B-L-E
A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly,
"I know
what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied . . . "What do you mean,
you "know" what the Bible means?"
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father, "So, Son, what does
the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy....... It stands for "Basic Instructions
Before
Leaving Earth."
Leave it to a child to figure it out.
Jesus
Vs. Satan
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was
better on his computer. They had been going at it for
days, and God was tired of hearing all oh the bickering.
Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test
that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better
job."
So down Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They
sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with
attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports.
They made cards. They did every known job.
But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly
flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and,
of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word
known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity
finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their
computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming "It's gone!
It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files
from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.
"Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?"
God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."
POEM
OF LIFE
Slow Dance
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
